when my father died
i am hundred percent sure
that part of him
became a part of me.

so parts of my grandfather
and my great grandfather
and everyone before
became part of me as well.

my father was a great man
i can not explain how
there is not enough space here
so just take my word for it

the image of
my father’s dead body
reminds me that
everyone i see
will end up like that

as i get older
i behave more
like my father
and my son
behaves more like me

sometimes
i want to be a son again
and sometimes a father

sometimes
i want to be a soldier
and sometimes a pacifist

sometimes
i want to be a friend
and sometimes an enemy

i was watching
a jean-paul belmondo
youtube video le professionnel
and it made me very sad
because it reminded me
of my father, his life, and the things he liked.

at the same time
i was in a weeks long discussion
with a friend
about what is feminine.

i asked her
if sadness is feminine
because she knows this
better than me.

because
if sadness is feminine
then watching a jean-paul belmondo video
is very feminine.

monday – pretentious philosophical virtue signaling poems
tuesday – loser kissing ass to celebrities poems
wednesday – moronic poems about toilet paper and shit
thursday – my father died poems
friday – i am sorry i am a shitty poet poems
weekend – fuck poetry

every day for a second
i mistakenly misinterpret what i see
and for a second
i believe that something is there
which is not

today i have mistaken
a white garbage bag for a goose
and i was wondering
what is a goose doing there

most often
i mistake other people for my father
and for that short second
i completely believe he is still alive

thank you corona
for killing my father
quickly and out of my sight
because
i have no idea
how i would behave
if he was dying
slowly and in front of me.
maybe i would be have been
the best son
or maybe not.

thank you
brave kazakhstani freedom fighters
for lowering the price
of ethereum
so i can buy more
in hope
i do not die
as a poor ex-millionaire
like my father died
few months ago.

i went to a really bad restaurant
food made me burp like a pig
wine gave me an instant headache
80s madonna music was super annoying
but i did forget that my dad died
for about an hour or so

since my father died
i wrote many gloomy poems
i promise
the next one will be funny

for a while
i wanted to write a poem
about ryder ripps
but then i was distracted
by my father’s death
and i can not remember
if i did write a poem about him
and i am too lazy
to use control eff to search
but i am still impressed
by him or something he did
but i do not remember what
because i was distracted

i was pissed off
7 % that my father died
23 % that I will die
59 % that my children will die
12 % that Irena will die
84 % that everyone else will die

i was very lazy
to write this poem
but i did it

i am waiting
for my father to die
for my mother to die
and for me to die
and hopefully no one else

that day i killed
my father

my girlfriend’s ex boyfriend’s father
was killed in a weird way.
he helped an enemy family
so after the war they
picked him up at work,
took him to the woods,
and gave him a grenade
to blow himself up.
and he did it.

jaden is a good son
he makes more money
than his father will
and helps his father
by producing his movies
and fixing his ferrari
and buying him jewelry

as a father
i was preparing myself mentally
to use my body as a shield
against falling rocks.
i was meditating
about rocks piercing my skin
breaking my ribs and shuttering organs
while I am still keeping the position
protecting my kids under me.
my hands and legs
must not move
even though my spine is crushed.
I was only sorry
about them seeing my blood
so I focused on smiling.

i have been eating well
lifting weights
doing long easy runs
reading up on the subject
gathering experiences
establishing contacts
i should be ready