whenever i want to fix the world
I end up thinking about hitler’s penis.
i do not think
there was anything wrong with his penis.
i think he felt what anyone can feel
and we must all feel what he felt
or we will manufacture new hitlers.
this requires extreme empathy
but also courage to go against
the dogma that something was wrong
with his penis.
while i have the empathy
i do not know if i have the courage.

for many years
i washed my penis
in the bathroom sink.

before you judge me
this is our third bathroom,
the smallest one,
in my office,
that mostly i use,
and i always wash it well
after i wash my penis in it.

but i still felt guilty
that i never told this
to irena.
i never lie and
i also never withhold
important truth.

i was under pressure
for years
and it was, in a small way,
damaging our relationship,
but i was waiting for
the right moment to tell her.

and one day,
after we have not been together
for a long time,
we had impulsive dirty sex
in that bathroom,
and it made perfect sense
that i wash my penis in the sink
in front of her
and i casually told her
that i do this sometimes,
and i felt so relieved
that i was able to share this with her,
and the horrible pressure
was finally gone.

now i have to figure out
how to tell the kids.

ps
irena read this poem
and told me i already told her before.
but i forgot this.

pss
i realized our kids will
read this poem.

sometimes it is too big
sometimes it is too small
sometimes it is too hard
sometimes it is to soft
sometimes it is the way i want it
but sometimes not

it is an organ on my body
which is not easy to talk to
i speak to it more than to my liver
but less than to my finger

it is not like an eye
which i can just move
whenever i want to
i hate not having full control
over my penis

i would not like
to have my penis cut off
by a cigar cutter
to fall face down and
break my teeth on a rock
to insult someone so much
that they never speak to me again
to have lumbal punction
or to burry my children
while dying of
a very painful cancer
while my wife is cheating
on me with my best friend
who owes me money