i was watching
a jean-paul belmondo
youtube video le professionnel
and it made me very sad
because it reminded me
of my father, his life, and the things he liked.

at the same time
i was in a weeks long discussion
with a friend
about what is feminine.

i asked her
if sadness is feminine
because she knows this
better than me.

because
if sadness is feminine
then watching a jean-paul belmondo video
is very feminine.

she is so scary
that i am afraid
to even write a poem
about her

when the music is so loud
that you start crying blood
when you are so drunk
that you cut your fingers off
and you do not care
when sex is so good
that you puke on her face
and you both love it
when you wake up
raped, broke and without fingers
and you just want to
play videogames
that is a very good party