elon, please take me to mars

scientists say
that mars is very hostile for us
but i think compared to earth
mars is like getting a blowjob

i never cared to move to mars
but if someone can guarantee to me
that there will be no mass media
i will sign up instantly

i will live i a cave,
grow potatoes in my shit,
drink someone else’s urine,
die young from radiation poisoning,
as long as i never see the news again