i have lived for 45 years
and it feels so very long
and i have done so much

i am forty five years old
and ever since i was a baby
i was wondering:

why does smoking exist?
why are cigarettes made?
how can this be a thing still?
why is it allowed?
why do people do it?
how was everyone tricked into it?
why? why? why?

this morning
while taking a shower
i forgot how old i was.

as soon as i got out
i asked irena if i was
fourty four or fourty five years old.

she told me i was forty four years old.
i was very happy because
i won a free year of life.